Wow

Gila. Baru ingat punya blog ini. Nulis beberapa posting yang dulu, pakai bahasa Inggris dengan grammar acak acakan. Jadi malu pas baca nya lagi :)

Terakhir posting Oktober 2006, pas waktu di Houston, bacanya lagi jadi teringat masa masa itu. Menarik juga.

Jadi pengen mulai nulai lagi ... Mungkin sesuatu yang berguna, bukan hanya buat curhat ...

Ok today I am going to tell you my story, again. I am still in Houston. Tomorrow afternoon I will go back to Indonesia, yes finally! I make a few friend here but still it is not the same with home.
And No! If you asked me that, I know what u r thinking now. I am an adventurer, I like to go out to certain places, out of town, see beautiful places, it is just because i miss zella, and i guess it takes a little bit longer to make a good friend to enjoy the moment with. Thanks god I am not good with women so I wont bother with the temptation from them. Otherwise probably I wish I could stay in here a little bit longer ;)

I remember when I start to write blog, I make a commitment to myself. I tell to myself "I am not going to write a sentimental blog, I will not tell story about myself and publish it" I meant who want to read my story? I said to myself I will only write something that I've learned/read and then share it with other people. Something I am good with. Let say I am starting to learn photography and then I will share it to others who might need it.

Well I was wrong! I don't want to that. I just want to write when I feel I want to, about anything I want/like and I don't care if no one will ever read it. I write when I want and I stop whenever I want, that's it! It's self satisfaction.

I don't know if I have to thanks that I have one free day today, the entire day, before I go home (Indonesia) tomorrow. One side I want to go home as soon as possible but the other hand I need to go to some places to buy some souvenirs. Otherwise probably the people in home won't really pleased to see me back :) I will spend some $10 and $20 are not really in good condition, physically, and of course the coins. I keep some of the coins for myself and spend the rest.

I feel I can start blended with multiple culture from around the world quite good now (France, nigeria, mexico, argentine, brazil, scotland, UK, algeria, US of course). Well not with all of them. Basically I think we are human. So we have a lot in common. And if you ask me what is the difference I would say it's the believe! I have seen how a very good man do terrible things just because he believe that's a good thing.

And for god sake, stay in Houston have across my mind, which I always against such kind of idea. I mean I can live anywhere in the world (beside africa and war zone) but arising kid and having family in a place like that hmm I don't know ... I meant money is important but it is not everything ...

I believe in probability. I am such strong believer on that. For me everything can happen, everything is possible. So I can say/claim myself as an open minder. I appreciate the differences people have. And sometimes I agree to put your self a risk in return to have a better benefit. BUT I believe there are things in our life shouldn't be in a risk when you know the probability situation already. Things like your family, your kids, your believe! They shouldn't be at risk at any time at all.

(there is strong relationship between the last two paragraphs, I would like to elaborate, maybe when I feel to write again)

I get sentimental today. Well you cant blame me considering what situation I am in rite now. Today is the last day of ramadhan in Houston. Tomorrow is Idul Fitri.
Far away from home, I am still in Houston. I spend almost entire ramadhan alone and will spend Idul Fitri alone:(

How I miss her! The way see look at me, innocent and curious ...

Since she's here around my life, now I know what it feel to miss someone, deeply ... I know what it feel to stare at a beauty smiling at you, and smiling.

I miss the smell of her sweat. I miss her smiling. I miss her crying. I miss sleeping next to her. I miss everything about her.

It's 1.40 in the afternoon, I really hope I can make it till the end today. I think iftar time is around 6.45. I didn't get my Saur today. Well it did happen several times already actually, don't bother really. Today I just want to stay at the hotel and hope I can enjoy me self.

Tonight I try to spend my $5 phone card to make calls. I will try to call me family in Indonesia with certain limit of time and say "Hi, Met Idul Fitri". I guess I have 45 minutes for the card. So I will try to use it wisely. This will not happen if I get the visa earlier ... Long story ... I will not tell the story if no one ask.

Weekend pertama gw di Houston, yes Houston, statenya Texas in USA. Dah jam 2.14 tengah malam. Udah hampir 3 hari gw masih kena jet lag. Well efeknya waktu ngantuk jadi ga teratur, mudah2an minggu depan udah ga gini lagi, gw harus segera beradaptasi. Yang sedikit bikin susah sekarang tuh bulan puasa, susahnya apa gw males cerita, satu yang pasti buat bangun sahur sangat mudah (karena gw jet lag) tapi makanan buat sahurnya ga ada. Beda banget kalo di Indonesia, makanan sahurnya banyak tapi bangunnya susah amat :). Well I will spend my Lebaran day di sini. Beruntung gw kenal Irzam, senior kampus yang sangat baik. Hari pertama datang udah bisa makan soto khas Indonesia di apartemen dia. Bininya juga baik sekali. Anaknya lucu sekali :).

Jadi inget film Jerry Maguire, malem2 gini bener2 ga bisa tidur(untung besok sabtu) bawaannya jadi nulis (gw ga bisa nulis lama2, f**k gw bawa laptop tapi lupa bawa adaptornya, jadi hanya bisa charge batt di kantor, itu juga minjem dulu:(). According the Batt indicator gw masih punya <= 32 menit lagi buat make laptop malam ini.

Well malam ini gw spend the nite di kamar aja. Siang tadi diajakin keluar ama temen2 dari mexico but walau gw sebenarnya pengen juga, tapi karena capek dan ini bulan ramadhan, masa out to that kind of place sih. But anyway kalo bukan ramadhan sebenarnya gw juga males. My mood level is slightly decreasing kalo diajak ke tempat seperti itu (pub+sexy women+alcohol). Ngebayanginnya aja males bgt. Otak gw emang bukan di-tune buat kayak gitu. Beda banget kalo diajak ke lapangan, let's say tennis court, adrenalin gw naek. Kadang temen gw kaget begitu mudahnya gw bilang "Ayo let's go to the court" padahal dia tau kalo gw cape, let's say karena abis jalan jauh. Apalagi my cool brother, dia yang paling sering say no kalo gw ajak maen tenis, alasannya capek. Ato mungkin dia pikir mesti fit banget buat ngalahin gw hehe.

What am I doing in Houston? Well jawabannya sih cari duit, buat gw, buat siapa lagi?! Buat gw kerjaan itu ga ada yang worthy enough buat dijadiin prioritas di atas gw+keluarga. Kerjaan is for making money. Tapi hidup gw bukan hanya buat duit, jangan salah! Things that really made me a person is my thought, my hobby, my interest not the job. Jadi gw ga pernah bangga dengan kerjaan gw. Gw bersyukur punya kerjaan, that's it! Yang bisa buat gw bangga adalah apa yg gw pikirkan, apa yg gw rencanakan, niat gw, bagaimana cara gw menikmati hidup gw, dan tentu kerluarga gw. So di sini di Houston, badan gw, my thought/mind is still Indonesia.

Can I enjoy me self here? Just like I said, it's the thought, my perspective. Jadi dimana pun berada how u enjoy ur self is the matter.

Continue later ...

Carpe Diem

Dum loquimur fugerit invida aetas. Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.

"How do I love thee"
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Klez: "I just step aside for while ..."

Old White Building ...

... standing in front of the old while building, it's so quiet, I feel nothing, this is a place where you feel absolutely nothing ... no excitement, no fear, no curiosity, nothing. This is a place where you simply feel dead.

"Is it still here?", I asked a guy. He is the parking guy, the guy who helps people to park their vehicle, in return people "voluntarily" give him a couple of cents.

"It's inside", he replied.

I looked around, trying to find the entrance. There it is, stairs on the left side of the building, old dirty small stairs. I stepped in ... So there it is! The oldest billiard-place in town. I've been there and here. Oh boy, This one is different, trust me. One of the weirdest place I've ever been.

First look, it did not give me a good first impression about the place. Old billiard tables with blue or green broken cover all over. Table size is small, it felt like a toy for kids. The balls, tiny balls with uneven shape, it's not even round anymore! And tiny broken sticks to hit the balls. Those Billiard guys in ESPN or StarSport won't be able to beat anyone here!

I sweated my body all over. It's hot, don't even think about air conditioner. The old room seems like losing its oxygen by minutes.

The old lady with cigarette on her mouth, sitting staring at the tables, waiting for a game to be finished. She will stand and go to table to rack the balls for a new game. What a nice place for an old lady to work. I guessed she would have chose any other job in the world except this one if she could ...

The players who keep shouting and swearing every time they made a mistake on the shot. Strange local accent but I still can understand the language. A tiny skinny guy with tattoos all over his left leg, quiet, looking at the balls seriously. Two guys were playing the game with occasional light conversation, I think they were taxi drivers. A bunch of young guys played the games, just another night to waste the fu***ng time just like what I am doing right now. I lighted a cigarette up, picked a billiard table close to an empty chair. I felt the table is quiet enough, away from people. I sat down, waiting for my friend to arrive and play the game ... looking at the room, at the people, I had only one thought at that moment ... Stagnant ....

I remembered the way of life that I have always tried to live by ... Kaizen. A concept which was popularized in Japan, it means Continuous Improvement. It emphasizes that a process will start with something, sub-processes in between and end with something. A process is improved if we improve the sub-processes in between. Get rid the defects and add something useful in the sub-processes. Improving the sub-processes in the end will improve the output of the process ...

Klez: "Weird, I gotta tell this to someone or something (it doesnt really matter) ..."

Klez: "Some place are meant to be dead as a rat!"